so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
