there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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