angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
