Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
