Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
