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Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
