It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
