i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
