I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
