Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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