Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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