And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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