why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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