We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You ate ashes out of my bong
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
