She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
