We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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