what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
