FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize