____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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