it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
