Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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