dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
