My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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