I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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