So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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