dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
