I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
