went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
