it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
