Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
