You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
