Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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