My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
