Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Actions speak louder than pants.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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