please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
