she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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