I want to have your abortion
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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