Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
