Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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