Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
