Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
