If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
