sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Randomize
