They should really pass out barf bags in church
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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