I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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