i love accidental penises.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
