Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
