its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
