Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he's gonorrhea incarnate
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
