and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize