I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
