sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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