You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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