Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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