remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
