how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
