someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
