tell your sister to shave her snatch
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
