How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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