Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
