I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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