just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.