Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.