Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
