When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.