cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.