Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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