I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you