U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES