I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I would not recommend douching while drunk.